The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
