SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just google imaged poop.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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