I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
