If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
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we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
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I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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