How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
