What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
