i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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