I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize