You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize