She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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