he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
