ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
