So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
