hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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