He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
