The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
