whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My liver just broke up with me...
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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