I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Bring me that man meat
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
