im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
