guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
