I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
