i don't like sucking hair
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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