i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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