Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
