Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
