omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
