3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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