It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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