i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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