My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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