guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just had sex bonerless
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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