Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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