i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
