He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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