It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
