You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
