walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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