Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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