And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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