Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
