we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
