i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
