Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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