I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
