Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
