K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
