Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
