it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
His hands were made for my vagina.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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