my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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