I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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