I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
