one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
