Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
