bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
