grandma shit on top of the toilet
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
