How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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