Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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