I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize