dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
my poor anus
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just gargled with NyQuil
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
