So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
