remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
