i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
