HIV tests are more positive than that guy
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
