I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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