I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
