I wish I could teleport
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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