We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Randomize
