Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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