they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The uberlube is also flammable
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
