Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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