like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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