Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
