can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
