i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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