I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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