How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
