Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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