All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My vagina just recognized that song.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
