I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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