She is in my trunk
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
