I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
