My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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