i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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