i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
