Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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