why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i came on her dog
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize