Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
